I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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