Kiss
Puke
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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