Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
