Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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