Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the condom got lost in my hair
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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