I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this will be a night to untag.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
