Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
