in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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