Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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