you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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