so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
