Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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