I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
