oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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