Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
