I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
