If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
