So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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