I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
