God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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