she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just googled if crying burns calories
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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