He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
