so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
