What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
