I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
