my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
