i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and i looked up. we had an audience...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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