I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
