i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
