haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
