there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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