ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
