I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
