I heard we made out
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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