I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
