Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
