Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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