I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
