let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
