my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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