3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
