my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize