perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
