can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
