She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
