I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
