if you like me you must not know who I am
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
