So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
