The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
