I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
