Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize