I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
