TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
