does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
