I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
