Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
