I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Two words: blizzard sex
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
