Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
