hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
