so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
