Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
