I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How does it feel to date your dad?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
