was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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