my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
