The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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