I puked a lego.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
