So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
