ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
foreskin is a definite game changer
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
