just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
