Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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