I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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