i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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