Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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