If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
