Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
