If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
