Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
