it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
