he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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