# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize