I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
