You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
