She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you had me at cake vodka
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
