If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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