I feel like I'm in dance class right now
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
