I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
