do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
