I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
