Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
