Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
