my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
