Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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