Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
