If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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