omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
