thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
