You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
