i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
