Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
nutella sex= disaster
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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