your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
