Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
