You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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