Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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