Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is wine microwaveable?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
