Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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