There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
