Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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