You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
