Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
dude. I can hear the air.
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