i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
