guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
God, I missed his penis.
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