we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
