I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
