I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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