Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
