wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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