that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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