I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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