Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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