Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
