My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize