so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
