Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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