I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
