and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
