some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
