How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
